When Social Media and Gossip Collide

A statue of Our Lady at the Franciscan Life Process Center

A good subtitle to this topic would be: Let My Mistakes Reorient You.

I need to start by saying that I have used social media in regrettable ways regarding conflict. My past behaviors have included cryptic posts, passive-aggressive memes, gossip in the form of public prayer requests, and complaining about other people who have wronged me. It is hard to write that but I don't want to pretend that I have never misused social media.

Spiritual reflection, along with spiritual maturity, has helped me realize that my way was not the way to deal with conflict or anger. In fact, Jesus makes it quite clear to us how to respond to someone who has offended us: 

If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained the one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matt 18:15-17

Oof. That is convicting!

Jesus gives us a crystal clear directive on how to deal with conflict and hurt. It does not include gossiping to a friend or multiple friends in the case of social media. He does not say, “as long as you were in the right then tell others about their sins against you…” No. He instructs us to go directly to the person who has sinned against us. If following up with witnesses does not change their heart then we are to respectfully move on.

This is so hard to practice especially with the temptation to get everyone on our side. We want our outrage to be validated. Social media is a huge platform where we can inform everyone -all at once- how we were wronged. We have countless excuses as to why it is okay to point out the offender's errors especially when they have wounded us.

As followers of Christ, we are called to something higher.

We are called to “...do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law…” Matt 7:12.

We are instructed to forgive, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven.”  Matt 18: 22

Jesus is a wise and gentle teacher but forgiveness and love are essential to being His followers.

I am in a place in my spiritual journey where I just want to follow His will. I know there will be times when I forget or deny this conviction only to revert to revenge venting online. I hope and pray that I will choose His Way...or quickly delete when I realize I chose mine.

That being said, there are times when we need advice or consultation on how to proceed in a conflict. If you are not trying to harm the other person's reputation, do not intend on the information being spread to anyone else, and do not take any joy in what you need to work through then you are not gossiping. This is all stated in this Catholic.com link. If your purpose is to do any of those things, you need to reorient yourself.

However, I would hold that social media, minus the use of a private messaging system, is not the place to work out conflict. I have observed that people in social media groups start bashing and trashing almost immediately. I cannot imagine Jesus approving of this simply from the three biblical passages above.

I have a small group of Catholic women whom I trust to help me work through personal conflict if needed. They will tell me when I am wrong and gently correct me. I don't delight in correction but I am thankful for it. Good and true friends want the best for you. They want you to grow closer to Christ.

BTW: Father Mike has a great video that convicted me to seek out the REAL Jesus through Holy Scripture. He also has Bible in a Year podcast and Catechism in a Year to help foster that deep love for Christ and His Bride.